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Post by Shaan Vladislav on May 11, 2020 23:57:20 GMT
Her eyes were red and she was trembling. She had asked production to give Trout Latimer a note with red writing on it. A simple "Can we talk." in plain text that looked almost like it had been wet and dried. She had cried over that piece of paper. She had felt a lot of pain and this was going to hurt him too, she wasn't ready for it. There was a box of tissues, a box of chocolate, a cocktail she had mixed, it wasn't terribly strong it was a simple rum and Dr.Pepper easy on the rum. She had made hers almost a triple. She was waiting when he entered the pod.
"..T..Trout.. I..h..Hi." She said struggling to get even those words out, her voice breaking each time she even tried. "..I...I..God how do people do this.. How do people not just break in half over these..." She said laughing hollowly with a small sniffle. "..I.. God I wanted to do this elaborate date for you..and I.. This is what this is instead...its so fucking wrong.."
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Post by Trout Latimer on May 12, 2020 1:53:08 GMT
Trout had already ordered a small plush chinchilla for Shaan before he got the note. Once he did, staff had asked him if he wanted to leave that out, but he told them to leave it in her pod anyway. "If it makes it any easier, you don't have to say it." He suggested in a soft voice, far quieter than his usual joking. "I figured it out already." He swallowed so hard she could probably hear it on the other side of the glass. "I told you I wouldn't hold it against you, and I won't. But I'll admit to being disappointed." He sighed. "Did you want to talk about it? Because I'll listen...but I don't think there's anything I can say that I haven't already." |
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Post by Shaan Vladislav on May 12, 2020 2:01:00 GMT
Her voice had been breaking before, she held that plush so tight like it was gonna fix all of the hurt. She was sobbing when the words actually came out. "..I..I feel so horrible.. I just..I love you Trout.. I truly and honestly do.. fuck I was expecting to leave this with you.. Parker and I just.. we clicked.. we kinda.. complete eachother in ways some people would probably call bullshit on.. I feel so horrible and wrong and I want you to be happy.. and I.. God Im so so sorry...I want to be friends with you... I really really do.. I wanna have DnD nights and I want to like game together and be the fucking best of friends.. but I understand if that might be too much.." She sigh as she sobbed to herself.
"What are you gonna do.. Are you gonna maybe try to ask another girl out and just.. maybe see? Or are you done here...I understand either way I just.. God I feel so fucking bad..."
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24Age
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Post by Trout Latimer on May 12, 2020 2:22:23 GMT
"Honestly? I have no idea. Trying to stay friends and play D&D and stuff...Right now that just sounds painful. I don't want to make this any worse for you than it already is, I swear...but fuck, Shaan, I can't jump right into everything being fine. I just can't." He took at deep breath and she'd hear the tissues being yanked out of the box.
"Fuck, I hardly ever cry. It just...It's a lot. I don't know if I feel right going on more dates after being this all in. Nobody deserves to feel like they're only with me because I got rejected, that's just cruel. I mean...I had the ring picked and everything." He was quiet for a moment.
"I'm sorry, Shaan. I really hope this all goes well for you and you're happy. I mean it, even if it hurts right now. I do think you're amazing, and you deserve the world. Please, just, don't beat yourself up over me, okay? Breakups are never easy, and it's just gonna take me a minute to get past this."
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Post by Shaan Vladislav on May 12, 2020 2:32:47 GMT
She was quiet for a moment. There was a long shaking breath. "..I..I understand.." She said softly, She at this point was just sobbing, her breathing could probably be heard with how panicked it was. "..d...did I make a mistake..I.. I feel like I did right now.. I'm so..so sorry Trout...."
She took another long a deep breath. "I know it feels weird.. but you were all in with me from almost day one.. you never gave anyone else a really good chance.. maybe you should? I..I have no right to say anything though..." She sniffled softly.
"Fuck Trout I was picking out our kids names and what our house would look like..I..Honestly I'm so scared this is gonna blow up in my face.. Im so so scared.. I.. I'm going to.. Like I fucking hate myself now worse than I ever have... I dont wanna hurt people period.. especially not you.. not ever.." There was a loud crashing noise from her side and a small shaking laughter. "..Sorry I just.. kinda needed to smash something..." She said softly.
"...I feel horrible.. I..I couldn't tell Parker he was second place again.. something in me just..fucking couldnt.."
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24Age
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Post by Trout Latimer on May 12, 2020 2:40:43 GMT
"I don't know what to tell you, Shaan. I'm gonna be fine, long run, but I can't say it doesn't hurt. But like, that's life. We went into this knowing it wasn't all going to be clear cut and simple."
"Look, I've gotta...I have to go. I'm going to say something I'll regret if I stay in here arguing. You don't have to explain yourself to me, Shaan. I wanted you to follow your heart. And I don't want something that's not 100% for you, so I shouldn't have tried to push you." He stood and moved to the door.
"I'm sorry I can't make you feel better. I really wish I could." His voice broke. "Good luck, Shaan."
Trout left the room and closed the door quietly behind him.
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Post by Shaan Vladislav on May 12, 2020 2:47:32 GMT
"Trout I.. I.. No no please don't...I.. I'm so sorry No please please I fucking take it back.. Don't go..." She said as she heard the door closing. There was an actual whimper from her as she realized he had left and the door had closed.
The realization came over her in waves, waves that crashed down on her so hard she didn't realize she was actually screaming as she was sobbing. She sat there for a good few minutes, letting it all out and finally numbing herself out. She got up, shaking and clutching the plush close to her chest.
She walked out the door and headed straight for the liquor cabinet in the suite, the one thing she had never doubted.
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