Making Amends - Trout and Gem 3rd Date

Trout laughed, although it was a little too close to a sob to sound anywhere near happy. "Yeah, I really fucked up," he muttered.

"I'll tell you the whole story, since you said you want to hear...but you can stop me at any time. I almost didn't reach back out to you because I know you deserve better than that. But I didn't want to just give up and let you get away, either. If this doesn't go well, I totally get it. I swear, I do. I would never want you to feel like...like a second choice. I just got so wrapped up in--" He stopped and groaned. "Look, maybe I better start from the beginning. It's gonna get long, but like I said, let me know if you need me to stop."

[[OOC: I'm just gonna write out the whole thing, but if she interrupts him before the end, just let me know what part she cuts him off after! I'm game for whatever she's feeling.]]

"So first of all, I've never actually gone on more than one date with someone before, so I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And with Shaan, it was just crazy high energy right from the start. She was everything I thought I was looking for--funny, played D&D, could definitely kick my ass--and I was like 'wow, this is too good to be true' and I just, poured myself into it. It was like every idea I'd had of what I wanted was right there. And she encouraged it, like, telling me to just let myself ramp things up to a 10 right away, and I thought that she felt the same, so it just seemed natural not to go on other dates day three, because like, it seemed like a dick move to keep people in it with me if I wasn't giving it one hundred percent. My thought was like, if day three things with Shaan didn't go well, then I'd know, and I could rule her out and go back to getting to know people. And then, in the maze..." His voice broke, and he had to take a shuddering breath before he could continue. 

"In the maze she was talking about wedding vows and telling me what kind of ring she wanted. Obviously, if she was that committed, I wasn't going to set up more dates for day four, that would be ridiculous. So I set things up for the next morning, thinking I was going to propose...and she came in to tell me she'd already said yes to someone else. I had picked a ring, and--" He cut off, and when he continued, it was clear he was close to tears. "Fuck, I'm so stupid. "

"I've been stewing on it, alone in my room, for the last 24 hours. I'm not even sure I slept. But I can see where I just jumped into things blindly without thinking, and somehow I managed to be superficial even in an experiment literally designed to keep me from doing just that. I didn't have an emotional connection, I had a daydream about like, a fictional version of what I thought I wanted. Having fun with someone doesn't mean you should be married. But it just felt so damn nice to have someone like me..." There was a rustle from his side of the glass as he grabbed a handful of tissues.

"Sorry, I'm just whining now. But, uh, there's the story of my idiot mistakes. I was ready to just go home, and accept that I was gonna be alone. The outlier in the experiment data. But I realized at like four am that if I just gave up, and you and I never talked to each other again, I was going to regret it forever. So...here I am. I didn't want to throw this chance away just because I'm ashamed of myself." He laughed, a bit more genuinely this time. "Alright, I'm done. I think that's the most I've said about my emotions to anyone in like, years."

"Hey, you don't need to thank me for telling the truth and being real! That's kind of my thing. I really fu--" he cleared his throat, then resumed, Fudging. Fudgin' hate lying. Not to mention that I'm terrible at it but like, I just don't see the point. I dunno." He was quiet for a moment. "Thanks for listening. It felt kinda good to get it all out there."

"Oh! Purple things! Took me a second to decide if you meant the lights or the dice." He laughed. "So those are actually all different kinds of dice--the set you'd need to play Dungeons and Dragons! We talked about playing together, and if you want to really try it, you've got to have dice to use. The one with the most sides in there is a 'D20' and it's the one you'd use the most. Like, any time you try something, you roll a D20 to see how you do. If you get a 20 you do crazy amazing things, and if you get a one, you fail just...just the most dramatically epic fail humanly possible. Like, you tried to pick the lock but you actually made a terrible screeching noise with your tools so loud everyone in the house knows you're there, and also you deafened yourself for a few minutes." He'd wound up rambling really fast, getting more enthusiastic as he went, and once he finished he chuckled.

"Sorry, I got a little excited. I really think you'd have a good time playing, and your intro last time with the map just sealed the deal. We've gotta do it, dating or not."

"Nice!! You definitely succeeded...but I think that was my saving throw you just rolled."

Gem would probably hear the box of tissues hit the floor and a bit of shuffling on the other side of the glass.

"Gem, it's a seriously good thing you can't see me, I just did the most ridiculous little dance over here. I'm just...really glad. I was seriously worried my letter was gonna sound like a guilt trip, saying that I'd understand if you wanted me to just get lost. But honestly, I meant it." He sighed and flopped back onto the sofa with a thud.

"But now I don't have a plan. I should have like, planned something to go with the dice. I just didn't think I'd get this far," he laughed, sounding a little incredulous. "I just want to keep getting to know you. I know you like mysteries, and that you'd rather stay in than go out, most times--which I agree with, by the way. Movie night at home with super buttery popcorn--I can tell you're smart, and creative, and merciful..." He paused to laugh at himself. "But like, tell me what's your absolute favorite thing? Like, what's one thing you're so into you could never give it up?"

Trout chuckled. "Yeah I'd never ask you to live without your brothers, so they're safe. I'll have to hear about them more soon."

"Uh, is it cheating if I also say my computer?" he asked sheepishly, "I mean, I work on it, play games on it, talk to friends on discord, watch movies and shows...I custom built the thing, so it's definitely got some blood, sweat, and tears in there. I will also confess to talking to it when it's being uncooperative." He laughed. "You say you play League, right? And you like mystery books... Do you ever play mystery games? My sister used to really like these ones with um, like a teenage detective with an old lady name... Nancy Drew, I think? I used to help her with the puzzles when she got stuck."